“Patience Hurt You”

Years ago I cared for a little boy, and while learning that patience is a virtue, he would repeat the phrase “patience hurt you.” This made me giggle because being patient can be very hard.

I started my surrogacy process in June 2015. After months of emails, paperwork, doctor appointments, and psych evaluations, that November, I was finally approved to be a surrogate. I was hoping to be matched with a family relatively quickly, which proved to be a harder process than I was expecting. While I had a few families cross my path, I either was compromising my morals with agreeing to termination or having to eat a very strict diet of only organic gluten free products. My patience was starting to wear thin. I kept hope and continued to pray that I would be blessed with the right couple for me.

Then it happened.  April 12^th I received a sweet message from a woman on a third-party surrogacy website I had posted my profile on. After exchanging a few messages back and forth, I felt an instant connection with this woman.  The most exciting thing- they live in Kansas! I was lucky enough to meet this sweet couple a few weeks ago, and shortly after we left from lunch together, they called me to say they would love to have me join them on this journey if I’d be up for it. I couldn’t have been more excited and I may have even cried. I already feel emotionally invested and I hardly know this couple. While there is still so much yet to do, my hopes and dreams to bless this couple with more children is sky high. 

Who, What, Where, When, and WHY?!

I have been blessed with carrying two perfect angels and couldn’t imagine the stress and struggles that come with infertility. I have dropped subtle hints and even flat out told my husband for years that I would love to be a surrogate. He thought I had lost my mind and would brush it off.  Being a woman I just wouldn’t shut up about it and he eventually told me go for it. That night, with a zipped lip, I filled out my first application.

The most common question I hear from people when they find out I want to be a surrogate is, why?  To be given the opportunity and trust to carry another life for a couple, to make someone a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, I guess the question is more “why not?”

 There are two types of surrogates- Traditional and Gestational. 

Traditional Surrogacy is when the surrogate mother who uses her own eggs to create the child that she is carrying for the intended parents or individual. Either sperm of the intended father is used or donor sperm. Even though the surrogate mother has a genetic connection to the child all intentions are for her to grant parental rights of the child she is carrying to the intended parents or individual that she has created a legal agreement with prior to the start of the cycle. The child is handed over to the other party right after the birth.

Gestational Surrogacy is when the surrogate mother carries a baby for an intended couple or individual. The gestational surrogate has no genetic relationship to the child that she is carrying. The intended mother goes through a traditional IVF cycle to create embryos using the sperm of the intended father or from a sperm donor that will then be transferred to the surrogate. In some cases, an egg donor might be needed. A woman who agrees to serve as a gestational surrogate must sign a gestational surrogacy contract prior to engaging in the surrogacy. The gestational surrogate must agree to medical evaluation and treatment during her participation in the program. If at least one member of the commissioning couple is the genetic parent of the child, the commissioning couple are presumed to be the natural parents of the child gestated by the surrogate.

The second biggest question I hear is, “how will I be able to give the baby away?” Surrogacy isn’t for everyone. It’s a huge sacrifice to make mentally and physically. I'm sure I will have hormonal days where I think "why did I do this?" Days I cry, days I laugh, and days of pure excitement. I have made the choice to be a gestational surrogate. The child I will carry will have no linking DNA to me. Sure, I will bond with this baby, but I understand this is not my child. I can’t think of a bigger gift to give to another human being than to give them their little life they created. 

While I have just skimmed the surface of my journey, I can’t wait to be able to answer the questions of “who, when, and where.”  My intended parents are out there, and whether I’m matched tomorrow, next week or in six months, my heart is exploding with excitement and butterflies.