Give Thanks

Thanksgiving is a time to come together to share what we are grateful for. Today I'm thankful for all the love and support I've received from everyone. I'm also thankful for my amazing intended parents. I can honestly say they are more than just intended parents, they are family. I love and care for them like I have known them for years. No matter the outcome of this cycle I knew we gained some pretty special people in our lives.

Today's appointment took forever to arrive. Once we finally made it to 1 o'clock they kept us waiting on the edge of our seats in the waiting room. Patience most certainly was hurting me.

I am over the moon to say we have heartbeat. Let me rephrase that, I am ecstatic to say that we have HEARTBEATS!

Baby A and Baby B are measuring right on track with new heartbeats measuring at 114 and 117 beats per minute perfect for this gestation.

Not only do we have twins, but we have genders too! Both little bundles of joy are BOYS!

Again, I ask that you keep us all in your prayers. Prayers that these little ones grow and that this pregnancy goes nice and smooth over the next 7 months. Thank you Lord for this wonderful blessing!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Results

Waiting for beta results has been agonizing today. Waiting all day just to hear that magic number can truly make a person insane.

I went from insane to flat out stupid after I got the call. 

I couldn't process anything going on around me. 

Not a word.

Not a thought.

Not a darn thing.

Am I pregnant?

Beta hcg levels needed to be at least 50 to confirm pregnancy. My levels.......

716......716.......omg 716!

I'm so very pregnant! I couldn't be happier! I'm still in awe that I have been given the chance to do this and it's actually happening.

Please pray that these babies grow big and strong and that we see heartbeats in 16 days. Sono will confirm if we have one or two babies growing, but I'm feeling like we definitely have two!

PUPO (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise)

We all were going a little stir crazy waiting for transfer this afternoon. We had so much peace that everything was going to go perfectly, but yet couldn’t help to be nervous about nothing and everything. We left for CCRM at noon and immediately had labs drawn. From there we ventured upstairs to the surgery center where I entered “the room.” I had acupuncture then waited for the doctor and the embryologist to come in. It all went so fast from there.

The embryos are wheeled in an incubator where we were able to see them up on a screen.  The embryologists then sucked the little embabies into a tiny little catheter and then were given to the doctor to place inside my uterus.  The procedure was completely pain free, minus some discomfort from having a completely full bladder.  I was laid flat and had another acupuncture session and was able to get up an hour later.

We transferred two beautiful little babies.

The embryo on the right is fully hatched while the embryo on the left was in the process of hatching. The really neat part is in about four hours the hatching embryo should be fully hatched and would look like its sibling on the right. 

It’s a huge relief to be done. Now the hard part is the waiting game. My first HCG blood test is a long ten days away. In the meantime, I’ve been placed on bed rest and can continue normal activity Sunday when we will travel home. I am so lucky to have such amazing friends and family. Every text, message, and post I received today meant the world to me. You all are stinking fantastic! Once again, keep us all in your prayers and send lots of sticky baby vibes our way. 

"Did Someone Say Transfer?!"

I’m sorry I haven’t updated my blog in so long. It’s been a crazy few months and I wanted to make sure my body cooperated with meds before I spilled the beans on a transfer date. The wait is over! I’m set for transfer this Friday, October 28th! So many emotions are going through me. I can’t believe I’ve made it to this point and with the most amazing intended parents ever. The support and love I feel from them is the greatest feeling in the world.

I have a few specific prayer requests. For safe travels as we all make our way to Denver tomorrow. Prayers that the embryos thaw beautifully and last but certainly not least that they stick around to meet their wonderful parents.

I want to give a special thanks to people who have reached out with support, kind words, as well as the ladies at work covering for me during early morning appointments and missed work. The little things mean the most. I will update Friday or Saturday!

Where there's a will, there's a way.

I wasn't anticipating on writing another post so soon, but I couldn't be happier to be doing so. Almost immediately, I was presented with a different potential family to carry a baby for. I read their profile and looked at pictures, but I just couldn't keep myself from comparing them to my first family. As much as I tried I couldn't let them go. 

 So that door that closed, never latched. In my heart I never felt like things were final between my intended parents and myself. Sometimes in life you just need time to breathe and regroup. I am beyond thankful to say that we are moving forward on this crazy journey. Final details are being wrapped up and I'm hoping to have a transfer date set in the next week or two.

Thank you to everyone who prayed and to those who've dealt with my emotional self over the last month. I'd be lost without some these amazing people in my life. 

When you feel like quitting, remember why you started.

Today has been a rough day.

When I first started writing this post, I was going to caption a picture with, "This is what surrogacy looks like." The second I started typing the words, it hit me. THIS is just a glimpse at what infertility looks like. Doctor's appointments, lab work, injections, oral medication, patches, and vaginal suppositories all to prepare for transfer of the tiny embryos you hope will grow and flourish. This doesn't include what a woman endures to prep for egg retrieval just to make it this far for IVF. I am truly humbled by the trials and tribulations that couples face with infertility.

A friend tagged me in that article that led me to a blog that really touched my heart. Scroll through the pictures and I dare you not to cry.
www.fifteenfiftyone.ca%2Fblog%2Flife%2Fbaby-julie-portraits%2F&h=iAQHyJvXf

"The walk to parenthood is one that looks very different from the one person to the next. For some, that road is wide and vast. A perfectly paved surface that leads directly to a place that was always meant to be. For others, the road takes a few turns and requires a few detours. But for others still, that path is barely even carved out among the woods. It is nothing more than obstacles and hurt and loss and a constant struggle to a place that is entirely unknown."

I passed the rigorous one-day workup with flying colors and we were working on having contracts done this week with hopes of starting meds this Monday. I am heartbroken to say that as close as we got to this dream, it's been put on hold. Infertility is not cheap, and the economy only makes it harder. If you would please keep my intended parents in your prayers, as I can only imagine how hard it is for them to have to put their dream on hold. As for me, I will wait and see what God has planned. When one door closes, another one opens.

While I am so thankful for the income of support and kind words, I want you to take a minute, sit back, and look at all the blessings you have. While things may not be perfect or ideal, you never know the hurt and stress another might be facing.

Last Big Step

Just when you think you have all your ducks are in a row, one waddles off. June turned out to be a very stressful month. To make a long story short, all my prenatal records needed to be sent to my intended parent’s fertility clinic for them to review and accept me for further testing. They received my file, but unfortunately it was only my delivery records. No problem, I call my OB to get my records sent again…well, there was a problem. They implemented a new computer system and scanned each file in to their system by hand. My file was scanned in, but scanned in wrong. MY FILE WAS COMPLETELY EMPTY. This led me on a wild goose chase trying to track down my file from CKMC (which most of you know is now closed). Multiple calls later, and the lady in the medical records at St. Rose she thinks she may have found my file. But it would have to be ordered and she only works one day a week, so I had to wait for the following week.  Patience most certainly at that point was hurting me. I had St. Rose on speed dial the following week and blew up the medical records line until I finally got a call back. They had my file! So I had to get it sent to the clinic and wait for a call on my acceptance.

I finally got the call and I’m set to have my one day workup tomorrow! For those of you curious what a workup looks like for a surrogate this is my schedule for Monday.

11:00- Labs
11:30 Psychologist consult
12:30 Personality Assessment Inventory
1:00 Baseline Ultrasound and Doppler
1:30 Nurse Consultation/Consents
2:45 Hysteroscopy, Annual & Regroup with Physician
 
I’m so incredibly anxious to get this appointment done. Fingers crossed the reproductive endocrinologist deems me worthy to carry their embryos. If all goes well it will take 7-10 days to get all my labs back. From there we contract with our intended parents, get a ton of medications, and a transfer date! I can only imagine how anxious my intended momma feels. If you feel inclined to say a little prayer that things go beyond well Monday and results come back maybe a little faster, we all would appreciate it. 
My next post should be full of exciting news, so stay tuned!

“Patience Hurt You”

Years ago I cared for a little boy, and while learning that patience is a virtue, he would repeat the phrase “patience hurt you.” This made me giggle because being patient can be very hard.

I started my surrogacy process in June 2015. After months of emails, paperwork, doctor appointments, and psych evaluations, that November, I was finally approved to be a surrogate. I was hoping to be matched with a family relatively quickly, which proved to be a harder process than I was expecting. While I had a few families cross my path, I either was compromising my morals with agreeing to termination or having to eat a very strict diet of only organic gluten free products. My patience was starting to wear thin. I kept hope and continued to pray that I would be blessed with the right couple for me.

Then it happened.  April 12^th I received a sweet message from a woman on a third-party surrogacy website I had posted my profile on. After exchanging a few messages back and forth, I felt an instant connection with this woman.  The most exciting thing- they live in Kansas! I was lucky enough to meet this sweet couple a few weeks ago, and shortly after we left from lunch together, they called me to say they would love to have me join them on this journey if I’d be up for it. I couldn’t have been more excited and I may have even cried. I already feel emotionally invested and I hardly know this couple. While there is still so much yet to do, my hopes and dreams to bless this couple with more children is sky high. 

Who, What, Where, When, and WHY?!

I have been blessed with carrying two perfect angels and couldn’t imagine the stress and struggles that come with infertility. I have dropped subtle hints and even flat out told my husband for years that I would love to be a surrogate. He thought I had lost my mind and would brush it off.  Being a woman I just wouldn’t shut up about it and he eventually told me go for it. That night, with a zipped lip, I filled out my first application.

The most common question I hear from people when they find out I want to be a surrogate is, why?  To be given the opportunity and trust to carry another life for a couple, to make someone a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, I guess the question is more “why not?”

 There are two types of surrogates- Traditional and Gestational. 

Traditional Surrogacy is when the surrogate mother who uses her own eggs to create the child that she is carrying for the intended parents or individual. Either sperm of the intended father is used or donor sperm. Even though the surrogate mother has a genetic connection to the child all intentions are for her to grant parental rights of the child she is carrying to the intended parents or individual that she has created a legal agreement with prior to the start of the cycle. The child is handed over to the other party right after the birth.

Gestational Surrogacy is when the surrogate mother carries a baby for an intended couple or individual. The gestational surrogate has no genetic relationship to the child that she is carrying. The intended mother goes through a traditional IVF cycle to create embryos using the sperm of the intended father or from a sperm donor that will then be transferred to the surrogate. In some cases, an egg donor might be needed. A woman who agrees to serve as a gestational surrogate must sign a gestational surrogacy contract prior to engaging in the surrogacy. The gestational surrogate must agree to medical evaluation and treatment during her participation in the program. If at least one member of the commissioning couple is the genetic parent of the child, the commissioning couple are presumed to be the natural parents of the child gestated by the surrogate.

The second biggest question I hear is, “how will I be able to give the baby away?” Surrogacy isn’t for everyone. It’s a huge sacrifice to make mentally and physically. I'm sure I will have hormonal days where I think "why did I do this?" Days I cry, days I laugh, and days of pure excitement. I have made the choice to be a gestational surrogate. The child I will carry will have no linking DNA to me. Sure, I will bond with this baby, but I understand this is not my child. I can’t think of a bigger gift to give to another human being than to give them their little life they created. 

While I have just skimmed the surface of my journey, I can’t wait to be able to answer the questions of “who, when, and where.”  My intended parents are out there, and whether I’m matched tomorrow, next week or in six months, my heart is exploding with excitement and butterflies.